It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s check out some new releases!
Scan-dol of the week: Suzy (miss A)
2NE1 – Goodbye
This song might be shit like their last dozen or so but at least YG finally gave me the Bom Realdoll boob presentation that I knew she was capable of all along. I can’t be mad at him anymore.
Kris Wu – Juice
Spamming yolo-lite for crappy American film soundtracks might pay the bills for now but how is Kris going to get a job long-term with “Heaven” tattooed on his forehead. Better grow that fringe.
Luna, Hani, Solar – Honey Bee
Beyonce-cloning and sax riffs combine into a shitception.
Seohyun – Don’t Say No
This song has some of the best and worst styling Seohyun has ever had. She looks great at the start as the flourescent librarian of +10 boners but all the other clothes and makeup just looks like garbage.
CLC – Hobgoblin
Kpopalypse sidebar girls always have a great year. 2017 will be Sorn’s year, I have forseen it.
Laysha – Party Tonight
White shirts and bear sex MRS
Haseul, Yeojin – My Melody / Hyunjin, Heejin – My Sunday
Loona’s company release two fairly unexciting songs that are really not a bit different apart from some very minor lyric and phrasing changes in the chorus. I flipped a coin and played “My Sunday” on the show because it really didn’t fucking matter.
San E ft. Hwasa – I Am Me
“I am me” isn’t a very profound observation but it’s about as insightful as rap gets these days I guess.
Gain, Jeff Bernat – Pray
Waste of fap potential #1: I prayed for Gain to actually be in the video of this song but my prayers were not answered.
Kasper – Lean On Me
Lean on her all you want but don’t bother asking for an interview!
BONUS SONGS
Suzy – Pretending To Be Happy
More like “pretending to be really singing live”.
I.O.I – Downpour
Well, it’s certainly a downpour of something.
Yesung & Seulgi – Darling U
One of those songs that you know exactly how it’s going to sound just from the title and who is involved.
Park Kyung ft. Brother Su – When I’m With You
Meh.
Jessi – Don’t Make Me Cry
Watch at 1:58 as that guy makes an unauthorised grab for Jessi’s fake boobies. She should be careful not to void the warranty on those things.
Puer Kim – How Are You, The Love Of My Life
Waste of fap potential #2: I’m great, but I’d be better if this video had some footage of Puer Kim in it.
Palgou – Bed Trip
At least Primary’s alter-ego visage at least has a face on it or whatever, this guy is literally a triangle.
Dasom, 40 – You And I
Wow, Dasom looks 40 alright, what happened to her? I guess anal sex isn’t that good for you after all.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!